Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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