A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
