The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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