What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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