You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
