She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
