I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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