My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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