its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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