I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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