i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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