i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
