he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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