I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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