And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize