My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
