finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
