Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
