Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
