Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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