Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
