I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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