I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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