Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
