Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
