Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize