So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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