there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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