so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
