Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize