well you can't waste a boner
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
