She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
