She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
