You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
