he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
