I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
