She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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