Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
