Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
