i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
