I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
