Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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