I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
