I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
