from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
