If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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