Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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