I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize