My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
