I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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