he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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