I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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