and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
