If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
