i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
