I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
