I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize