Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
