I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Vodka?
Forever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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