you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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