She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize