we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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