Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
