this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize