Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
