my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
