Where is the hickey?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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