Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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