I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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