I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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