also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
