She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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