I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
