I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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