Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
