And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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