Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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