Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
