she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
