you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
