So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize