how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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