I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
