dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
