Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
