apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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