and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize