I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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