i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he thought i was a dude.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
