he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
