Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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