No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize