Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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