I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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