so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
